You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my liver is dry heaving
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
