I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
