He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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