i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize