I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
