Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
