you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
