I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
