Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
