Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
