A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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