I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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