y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
