I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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