that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
