So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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