haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
that is very illegal...i love you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
