if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
