apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
where are my eyebrows?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
