sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
