love makes seman taste better
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
