I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
