Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
