if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
