Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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