and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
