This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
