I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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