Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
