I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Boobs are out for the taking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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