i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
