I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
