so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize