Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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