my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it hurts more in the daytime
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
