Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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