I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
