i would punch a child for taco bell
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize