Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
