we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
