Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
