I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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