shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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