Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
