So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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