dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
