Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
