I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just puked most of my soul out..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
