i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
