I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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