whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He felt like a one man threesome
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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