What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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