so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
