don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
