OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
