the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
