I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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