so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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