And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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