If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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