he wants to bone in the snuggie
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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