DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
