Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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