yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize