if i can run in heels then i can drive
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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