cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
