How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
