We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
