i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
