I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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