Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
