i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
