Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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