You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
