I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
