My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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