I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sobbing to NWA
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
