i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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